Are you a woman who does not want children? Blasphemy! Your sole job is to reproduce.
What woman doesn’t want children?
You’re just being selfish.
You’ll change your mind one day.
Don’t your parents want grandchildren?
No one is ever ready for children. You can’t wait until you’re “ready”.
Have you ever heard some or all of these questions and statements? Yea, me too. Some times they come from a loving place, but usually it’s just someone being an asshole. I also never hear anyone say these things to my boyfriend… just me. I don’t want to be that person who says it is because I am a woman, but let’s be honest for a second. That is exactly what it is.
I don’t want children, especially now, but I really can’t imagine ever wanting them. I like having freedom to go where I want, when I want, and not having to worry about another person. We have a cat, and that is PLENTY of responsibility. I have never had the desire to take care of another person, or have a miniature version of myself running around. I mean, we don’t need any more pasty, bushy eyebrow-ed assholes roaming the Earth.
However, I absolutely hate when people say “Oh, you’ll want kids later.” Is that possible? Totally. Is it likely? No. But why does it bother you so much that you feel the need to comfort yourself with the idea that I would want to reproduce?
Many people imply that we are selfish. Well, in my case, maybe that is true. I think it’s a harsh way of saying “you aren’t willing to compromise your future and goals.” I want to focus on furthering my education and career, and children take a lot of time and effort.
I constantly have people mention my parents by asking “well, don’t your parents want grandchildren?” Luckily, my parents have mentioned it, but they don’t push it, and they know that isn’t a priority for me. They are proud that my priorities lie with schooling and a career, rather than focusing on getting married and popping out some babies. I know Mychael’s parents have mentioned that they would like grandchildren “per capita”, but I really don’t care what they want. They aren’t the ones who will have to give birth, pay for them for over eighteen years, and have that constant worry about another human being.
Another common phrase is “no one is ever ready for children. If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never have them.” If it is true that you are never ready, that’s even more terrifying! I’ll definitely not have children then. I would like to feel prepared for something that all of my time, money, and energy is going to for the rest of my life. Also, why wouldn’t you want to wait until you felt at least a little ready for children?
The next drawback I’m going to mention, I’m pretty sure most women do not relate to. Pregnancy makes me incredibly uncomfortable and it sounds like a terrible experience. In addition, I have had issues accepting my body as it is and I have performed compensatory eating behaviors, so gaining weight, and having something inside of me stealing my nutrients doesn’t sound great. I know there may be some people who say this is an immature way of viewing “the miracle” of giving birth, but being a human incubator is not my idea of a fun time.
Regardless of whether you agree with my sentiments or not, please understand that not wanting children does not make you less of a woman. Nor does it give you the right to look down on someone who chose to put her life first. If you want to have kids, more power to you (as long as you can independently financially and emotionally support them), but don’t treat me like I don’t matter, because I don’t want to give birth or have another person rely on me for the rest of my life.